From The Past, Tues, Apr. 22, 2008 WARNING SAD!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 

Oh my beautiful Fredfred Current mood:  listless  I remember the first time I ever saw you. I was 19 and home for Thanksgiving with two of my friends; we'd gone to the local mall to bum around and just kill time. The last stop we made was to the old Elgin Pet store; almost an afterthought of a store with a stack of cages at the back. You were so little and so ugly! I remember looking at the cages; all of them were empty, except for you. I looked up, and you mewed. A tiny, teeny mew. I reached up and you stuck out your teeny tiny pink paw. And I was in love! For twelve whole dollars, you were mine. Little pink nose and little pink paws. You came home with me; so tiny. So fragile. And with the biggest eyes and ears I've ever seen! Your head was small and your body fit into my hand. Those beautiful green-gold eyes looked trustingly up into mine, as you sunk those tiny teeth into my palm. I brought you back to my parent's house and we all sat down for dinner. You were placed in a cardboard box, given some water and some turkey, which you ate as fast as you could. Halfway thru dinner; a teeny tiny MEW started to get louder and louder; I checked on you and you were distraught! Pacing and looking for something... but what? You had water, and food.....as you squinched up your little face and lifted your tail...OH Right. A litter box. That's what you needed. Oops! I brought you back to my apartment; on the third floor of a walkup. My bedroom faced east; so in the mornings you'd be lying in a puddle of sunniness on the floor. Your other favourite game was to walk nimbly over the candles we had lined up on the bay window's sill. When we were so broke in college; my apartment was the hangout place; and we'd often play for hours with you and a flashlight....you'd chase the light on the floor. It made us laugh so hard when you'd chase it in a tight circle and get dizzy; your little head still going around and around.... When we moved into a house; you were so happy. It was big; and miles and miles of places for you to run and hide. You especially liked the shelves in the basement; I'd find you up there messin' around. You liked to be under the Christmas tree; as if to say; "Aren't I all the gift you need?" And then that year I found out WHY you can't put tinsel on a tree when you have a cat. Laugh. You got out there once, too... I was beside myself with worry. And of course; I found you; scared to death under the roses in the back yard. You weren't happy about being shut outside either. And let me know it by biting me. Hard. You would like to be petted on your head, your ears, under your chin...but NOT your tail. Oh no. And you'd let me know when enough was enough; by biting. You also liked to chew; especially on the webbing between my thumb & forefinger...still not sure why!!! When I went away for extended times; you'd go hang out at my Mom's. On the way; you'd cry so piteously from your carrier that I'd let you out; and you'd perch happily on my knee, paws up on the windowsill, trying to watch the truck tires go by. It made me laugh. Before I went; my Mom told me that she would in no way go out of her way for you. That you'd be there, and fed, but that was about it. I came back a few months later; and noticed that there was a chair at every window. And every window had a cushion on it. And that there was a really nice bed by the heat vent; with a buncha toys scattered around it. I went out to the kitchen and that's when I heard the teatimer ding. My mom rushed over to the back porch to let you in. She'd leave you out there to watch the birds; and let you come back in after 20 mins or so. Yeah. So not going out of her way for you. Laugh. You'd wait all day at the window for me; and when I'd pull in the driveway, your little head would disappear. I'd get in and you'd be there, waiting for some lovin'. I'd pet her and sing the rollin' song...snifferdo is rollin' on the floor... You especially liked mashed potatoes, bagels, olives (but just licking the salt off) and your very favourite....Chocolate donuts. One time we had a dozen donuts in the package on the table. In the morning; something had chewed thru the side, and dragged out the chocolate donut.....dragged it off the table (which you were NOT allowed on) and over to her dish....hmm.... So it was always your treat when I'd get a coffee I'd also get a chocolate Timbit for you. (That's a donut hole for you Tim Hortons' deprived folks south of the border.) As you got older; you liked sitting in the sun more, runnin' around less. You liked to play string; and you liked the little furry mice that always ended up under the oven. The last few years; you've liked to stay mostly in the bathroom. There's a nice heat vent there that I moved your bed in front of, with your food & water dishes close by. You didn't venture far, until this Sunday when I returned home. You came out and were sleeping on the couch, came up the stairs a few times, and were definately acting out of the ordinary. Then yesterday morning, you couldn't get out of your bed, but were okay enough to move around by the afternoon. I told you that if it was time, to let me know and I'd help. Today, your hind legs stopped working. Your eyes weren't focussing, and you... Ah my darling TennisBallHead....my Foofur....my darling beautiful girl. Snifferdo...Furball.... Little Pink Paws..... I always knew this day would come. We went outside and sat in the sun for a bit. I stroked you, and we sat quietly. I always told you I'd take care of you and be there. Today I had to make good on that promise. But it doesn't make it easier. The hurt and ache will go away I know.  But for now;  it just hurts. The vet asked if I had anymore questions after he'd quietly said, "she's gone." I just wanted to know if there really is a cat heaven.